“That my father looked nothing like the people around me—that he was black as pitch, my mother white as milk—barely registered in my mind.”
This line from Barack Obama’s Dreams From My Father (1995) has lived rent-free in my head for years. Not only because it captures the innocence of a child unbothered by race, but also because of how beautifully the em-dash weaves extremes—his father’s blackness and his mother’s whiteness—into one poetic flow. That is the duty of the em-dash: to bridge, to balance, to hold tension without breaking rhythm.
Every weekend, for years now, I have a tradition of winding down with a good pick from The Great Read section of The New York Times, and one of the favorite pieces I’ve read, perhaps throughout this year, was ‘The Trouble With Wanting Men’ by Jean Garnett.
No doubt that the concept of heterofatalism—a pessimistic view of heterosexual relationships that suggests they are inherently flawed and destined for failure—is nuanced, and Garnett’s narrative prowess appealed to me greatly, but what made the read ‘The Great Read’ indeed was the use of the em-dash at the appropriate time.
“Privately, jokes aside, I am quite susceptible to pen!s — like, I worry that in some Hobbesian state of nature I might just automatically kneel to the prettiest one — but lately I have been bruised by the ambivalence of men, how they can first want me and then become confused about what they want, and this bawdy, diminishing humor soothed me, made me feel more powerful, more in control.”
Garnett’s description of the hesitation of men in the above sentence was two words short of 70 words. Imagine reading that sentence without the em-dash and it would become completely incomprehensible. What about the use of a full stop? Well, that brings us to the when and when not to use the em-dash.
When to Use the Em-Dash:
The em-dash is a powerful tool for adding a personal, conversational feel to your writing. It’s not a mere substitute for other punctuation but a way to add rhythm and nuance.
To add a parenthetical thought: Like Obama’s use, the em-dash can set off a thought that’s an aside or an interruption, yet crucial to the sentence’s meaning. Example: The new marketing strategy—bold, aggressive, and a little risky—was exactly what the company needed.
To create a dramatic pause or shift in tone: Garnett’s use shows how the em-dash can create a pause for emphasis, drawing attention to the phrase that follows. Example: I’ve been planning this trip for months, saving every penny—and now it’s canceled.
To introduce a list or an explanation: Similar to a colon, an em-dash can introduce a list or a summary of what came before it, but with a more informal feel. Example: He had only one goal in mind—to finish the marathon.
When Not to Use the Em-Dash
The em-dash’s power lies in its purposeful use. Overuse can make your writing feel chaotic and disorganized, or in the era, a feeling it was AI-generated.
As a replacement for a comma or a full stop: Don’t use an em-dash where a comma, semicolon, or period would suffice. If a sentence has a clear, linear flow without a sudden break or emphasis, stick to the standard punctuation. Example (Incorrect): She went to the store—and bought milk, bread, and eggs. A comma is better here.
If you’re unsure of its purpose: Each em-dash should serve a specific function. If you can’t articulate why you’re using it, it’s likely unnecessary. Its purpose is to guide your reader, not confuse them.
Where it disrupts clarity: While an em-dash is meant to enhance comprehension, too many in a single paragraph can make the writing feel jumpy and hard to follow. Use it sparingly to maintain flow.
Ultimately, the em-dash is for playing with language, for adding flair and personality to your writing. It’s a tool for the expressive writer who wants to guide their reader through a thought process—to make them feel a sentence rather than just read it. Use it with intention, and you’ll find it can elevate your writing from good to truly great.